Wednesday, October 12, 2005

brather.
well. jus read a blog tt i hope i nvr manage to see it. sigh. here it comes. i haf this brother. i treat him as my best brather. he someone tt is dammn fuckin good but yet i took advantage of it. i scold him i slap him i beat him whenever i feelin nt happi. no. even i am happi i still scold him. wad a fucktard asshole i am. compared to him i m jus a idiot tt onli know how to crap. nt serious. idiot. kaobei. stupid. failure. uncomfortable. awkward. one big fat lump of shit. i haf another brather. one of my best brather too. well. another one tt i always xialan . or so call bully. yes. i m a big bully too. i deserve another fuckin scoldin. i am an asshole. although this is how i treat him he still try to help me wif tt someone. crap wif me . treat me nicely. wad i motherfuccker i am rite. compare to him i m jus a idiot who try to act funny, try to act cute. arghhhhhh.. n once gain a big fat lump of shit. n here . another brather of mine. i known him for fuckin nine years! since pri2. yes. his attitude wasnt tt good sometimes. but yet i know mine are still worse den him. i bullied him . xia lan himm. sort of backstab him. wad a cb kia i man. argh! fucker i am. despite all this. he still teach me maths. help me out. n try to tok to me nicely. try to gif in to me. yet. i still xialan him. like i am his boss he must listen to my command. n sometimes becos of some thing i didnt even treat him as my brather at all. i m n asshole. BIG time. compared to him i m like a idiot. asshole. cb kia. failure. blah blah.
well this are my answer to myself for y i am such a failure.

argh
i m kaobei. lump of shit. a pig tt roll on mud. blahblahblah. i knoe u dont mean it. i didnt take it into heart too. i know it sound .. bbut . aiyah . argh. i tried to act like an idiot. crap. lame. jus hopin tt when u tok to me u wont feel awkward , weird , strange and so on. n before i read tt. i thought it was workin well. but. shucks.. i still let u feel weird when tokin to me or being left alone. haha. wad a idiot i am when i think of tt. i thought by makin u luff by being an idiot its better. but. argh. you told me tt u r sad . i try to console u but in the end i jus make u feel weird. haha. wad a failure i am. yes. i am an idiot. i thought mayb by doin this at least i can let u feel comfortable tokin to me but. hha. its other guys tt gif u tt feelin. haha! i wanted to treat u good. rrly. but i dun know how. or maybe i dunno how so tt u wont feel weird. k, i m jus hum ji. to u ppl. but. nvm.. yes. i did lie to u abt alot of things n den tell u i m lyin when u believe me. i may be like a fuckin big fat LIAR to u. but. i did tt jus to entertain u . thinkin tt by doin maybe i could make u feel entertained. but. hearing it fr others tt u sae i always xialan u stupid by lyin to u. i rrly feel ctl. n mayb i m jus an idiot.i jus wan u to enjoy tokin to me. tts all. but.sigh nvm..i thought tt nite on msn i finally got to tok to the inner u. feelin so happi. n in the end its jus a... sigh. i tried to do little things tt can make u happi. i didnt dare to make it look too obvious cos simply i m hum ji . tt dae at playground i thought mayb u will feel better after all dis but..

ookiee
sometimes i rrly hope tt i can return to the dae where we were workin. tt time we r able to do so mani thing tt we wont feel awkward all this. at least at tt time i know tt i know u. sigh. maybe derek ish rite.i dunno how to love someone. i am shit.

♥ i didnt know how hard i could cry 3:47 AM