Monday, May 29, 2006

「在意」的這種心情，往往是愛戀一開始正曖昧的時候。
摸不清楚自己對對方的感情，是喜歡？或是一般朋友的親切感？然而，在腦海中卻又揮不去他的身影，總莫名其妙地，會想起他的一切一切。
如果有一天，我們在路上重逢，而我告訴你：「我現在很幸福。」我一定是偽裝的。如果只能夠跟你重逢，而不是在一起共同生活。那怎麼會幸福呢？告訴你我很幸福，只是不想讓你知道其實我很傷心罷了。

*
當我知道他，心裡早已經有個喜歡的人後，我仍選擇將這份感覺永遠收藏在心底，我不願意他為了不想傷到我，而煩心該怎麼拒絕我，這種明知道的結果我不要。
我想還是默默的在他或許需要人談談時，陪他說說話，而他也仍會偶爾在你心傷時，幫你想想辦法，雖然他不知道你的心傷，是為了他，我想做了這個決定之後，我 會慢慢走出來的，在我慢習慣這份孤單、這份心傷時，你就不用再為我擔心了，這份難過就由我自己擔吧！我是希望你也能幸福的生活。


*hahaha. took them fr rainie's blog. find it quite meaningful and make sense.

sometimes. i really really thinks babies are veri fortunate. so innocent. so pure. no trouble. no problem. how i wish i could be like them. cry all u wan when u fuckin sad. so innocent tt u wont think of the bad stuff. blah blah blah.

*下一次微笑, 你会看到放晴的感觉多么好.. hahah. mayb i shld believe this and see whether it will happen.

♥ i didnt know how hard i could cry 1:43 AM

Sunday, May 28, 2006

i seriously thinks tt i am dying. fever on and off for days. nauseous. sore eyes. blah~ i am feelin so moody, sad, fuckup, angry todae. DEPRESSION! k enuff of all dis crap.
Blogging
suddenly i find bloggin for me is gettin faker n faker. my motive to haf a blog is to vent my anger. express my feelin tt i hide deep inside. but. now. i m jus writing for the sake of letting ppl see. and when i m feelin fuckup sad or wad i dare not to sae it out anymore. i dun dare this. i dun dare tt. mani mani dun dare. in short. I M HUMJI. ya. so why the hell i m still bloggin? simple. i wan to attract attention. i admit. I AM AN ATTENTION SEEKER. I WAN ATTENTION. I AM AFRAID TO BE LONELY. ya. why the hell i go gaga over rainie or kelly. cos. at least when i m alone. i gt smth to do. smth to keep my fuckin mind and my fuckin heart occupied. ya. dats the reason. why am i so fuckin lame. cos. i wan to entertain myself. make my mood better. if u find one night i m tokin rubbish tokin tons of lousy lame stuff to u. u can imagine how bad my mood is. ya. why the hell i act to be happi. cos i m a sucker. i dun wan to show it out. i dun like to show it out anymore. no point putting how sad sad sad i am as my msn nick. wad for? ya. attract attention to wish tt SOMEONE of u will come care abt u. right? this is really how i feel. i m jus being frank. i m not tryin to xialan anyone or wad. ya. mayb i m wrong. mayb u r brave to admit u r sad. well. if tts they way. i respect u. seriously.
MASK
sometimes. i find wearing a mask makes ur life better. u wont haf to face the outcome directly. therefore making u able to stand up again. easier? ya. giving out 100% means if u fail. u get 100% back into ur face. big impact. ya. in life it doesnt means tt by giving out 100% will gt wad u wan to get. ya. i know. u all will sae. at least u try us best. blah blah. but. seriously THINK. u had tried ur best and u didnt achieve it. how useless u r. ya.

this is how i feel and how i think now. if u disagree wif me. dun like wad i sae. i m sry den. dun argue wif me. it's useless. ya.thanks.


假装多好　依然是
依然是　暧昧的tone调
一个人无理取闹
两人世界的煎熬
我被自己困在自己设下的圈套


小丑鱼好可怜.
找不到　那些美好..
假装多好.

♥ i didnt know how hard i could cry 2:48 AM

Wednesday, May 24, 2006

Bleah.. haha
Lalala
okie. its 2.05 now. n i m suppose to haf lesson tml morning at 8. i gotto leave my hse at 7 so i gotto wake up at 6. i gotto haf a good dream at 5. wake up and pee at 4. adjust my aircon temp at 3. hahha. okie enuff of crap. BUT. haha. i m not goin sch tml. YEAH! PON PON PON. my left eyes swollen since sat. MUST BE PEEP AT SOME GIRLS den got bao ying. lol. I KNOW u all will sae dat. haha. tml shall go see doctor and take mc. haha. take 2 week mc!
CLASS.
i slept at 9 on moondae night. GOD. haa. and i woke at 3. tried to go back to slp but i cant. GUESS wad i do. HAHA. i watch two eps of er mo zai shen bian! lol. RAINIE RAINIE RAINIE. lol. i m crazy abt her la. ha. watch until 6. and did my daily routine. i m so hyper when i went out of my hse la but ARGH! reach sch. i onli left ban tiao ming la. my mood= thunder+lightning+raining( RAINIE!) haha okie, yah. GUESS who to suffer. CHIEW CHONG WEE. gave him some fuckin attiude in class. haha. POOR cw. first lesson i was like looking at my laptop and pretend doin work while in fact i m watching ER MO. (my mood still ok) lol. WTH. haha. and to all ppl there is this thing call laptop and wirless network in SP. haha. second lesson. BOO. BOO. BOO. not in the mood to act anymore. THUNDERSTORM began. i start criticising cw dis and dat. he is so dumb la. he forget his spec. teacher ask him to ans qns. he cannot see. turn to me. den teacher scold him. i rrly f up wif him. he dunno how to protect himself la. i told the teacher he forgot his spec and the teacher is like. okie. okie. sorry. haha. den all my $@$@# start pouring all over cw. lol.
*ain't moodswing the cutest things. haha
HOME
WENT Home after first 2 lesson. suppose to have 2 more lesson. but i rrly heck care le la. i need some slp. When i reach home. sudd. i became lively again. hhaa. watch I guess which i jus dwl finish. RAINIE RAINIE. lol. take a nap after the show. wanted to wake up at 5 to watch bai fen bai. i rmb me waking up at 5 on tv and sms-ing. everything is like so real la. i saw luo zhi xiang tokin. blah blah blah. in the end. i m jus dreaming! i think my soul jump out la. and do all tt. ling hu chu qiao! haha
ER MO ZAI SHEN BIAN
okie. it's really a super nice show la. if u those cheena and go gaga over dram type of person. haha. 9.5/10 k! 0.5 lost for having too much kissing scenes. HAHA! i m feelin so 暧昧 now la. hahah. relook at the lyrics of 暧昧. omg. so much hui-ling(feeling) la. haha. and this song i m playing now只想爱你. oh man! sometimes it's good to listen to an old album again. u will get alot of different thinking.

暧昧让人变得贪心
直到等待失去 意义
无奈我和你 写不出结局
放遗憾的美丽停在这里
只能陪你到这里
毕竟有些事 不可以
超过了友情 还不到爱情
远方就要下雨的风景
到底该不该哭泣
想太多是我还想你

只想爱你 好想每天睁开眼睛就能看到你
我知道我偶尔有一点任性
不管你做任何决定 究竟爱我还是逃避
sorry 我还是不会放弃
sorry 我还是不会放弃爱你..


suddenly i realise tt my heart is beating..
我是有软弱的一面的..

♥ i didnt know how hard i could cry 2:56 AM

Sunday, May 21, 2006

hahah. i m here to blog. yeah. sound so retard. lol
DragonBoat
alright. went db for the first time on mondae. omg. its so fuckin RELAXIN. ahah. it stat fr 5. first we haf to do pullup for 60 times. gosh. EASY la. den gotto run 2.4 after pull up. my stamina veri good la. so ez. den we kena punish do push up 50 times. aiya. ez again. after tt. do some crunches. den go pool practice pedaling. haha. after tt went gym. bell bar 15kg liddat do 90 times. haha. end at 930. wow. super relaxin ar.lol. KAO! hhah.The nxt dae. i pon sch. lol. wad a weak ass i am. but i will pon is becos i get influence k. GT SOMEBODY EVERYDAE PON. WAHLAO. I HEAR LE ALSO WILL FOLLOW right. ha. WAD A BAD FREN. okie. i cant even raise my hand tt dae. super strain. like fuck.
SERIES OF UNFORTUNATE EVENTS
firstly. my com kena some spyware which led to some virus attack. i spend abt 5 hr in total clearing it. it sucks. den i complete dwl the er mo zai shen bian. i was like so happi. n den i accidentally delete it. god! uhhuh. den i realise my stupid creative zen micro spoil again. dun ever buy creative product. sucks. den my hp. i leave it on the edge on the table n fall asleep. n DEN SOMEBODY msg me. n it drop on the floor. blood all over on the floor. haha. the battery the cover the keypad all fly oout. god. when i fix everythin back. the phone cant start. WAD AN ASS! all dis happen within a few dae. can u all see how fcuk up i am.
WEDNESDAY
yah. its champion league final! were suppose to take a nap b4 tt match start. n den. SOME BIG THING HAPPEN TO SOMEBODY. my nap gone. GONE! haha. arsenal lost to barca. sad la. i hate arsenal but i hate barca more. so i support arsenal tt night. on the phone wif boyang the whole match. he is so sad when barca won. OH. serve u right. lol.
THURSDAY
sleep one n half hr n go to sch. took my test. n i onli use 1o mins to finish it. hha. fuck. waste my time goin sch. after dat PON LESSON AGAIN. DIE! I SHLD NT HAF MAKE THIS KIND OF FREN. PON PON PON. LOL.
FRIDAY
nth much happen. lol.
TODAY
finally re dwl finish er mo zai shen bian. chiong 4 eps todae. one eps is 1hr 20 min k. yang cheng ling is super cute k. but i cant stanf it when there is so mani kissin scene in dat show. ahha. lol. feel veri fcuk up jus now. veri bu shuang.dunno y. pms. luckily roy send me the mr brown bird thingy.lol.THX! it's 1000000000times BETTER DEN SOME BAR JOKES. SO LOUSY. HAHA. AND SOME LOUSY SCARY VIDEO. I HATE IT WHEN FRIENDS LIE. AND WHEN DEY DUN LISTEN. WHERE U GET A FREN TT SEND U SCARY PRANK VIDEO WHEN U FEEL FUCK UP? HOW SUCKY IT IS. DEN WHEN I FEEL LIKE TOKIN TO SOMEONE AND U TELL ME TT U R SLEEPY N WAN TO SLP. I SACRIFICE MY SLEEP TT DAE DEN U LIDDAT TREAT ME. FREN? BULLSHIT. SOMETIMES I FEEL BETTER WITHOUT HAVIN THIS FREN.


*yah. this post is jus bullshit. i m jus feelin bored and wan to suan somebody. joking la dun take it into ur little heart.haha. none of them are facts. it's all bullshit. i swear la. lol.

♥ i didnt know how hard i could cry 4:30 AM

Saturday, May 13, 2006

okie. i'm back bloggin. wanted to write lots of thing jus now. was havin tt bloggin mood. but now it's gone. HA. it's like there is so mani things i wanted to sae jus now and now it's gone. haha. okie. i shall jus crap smth out
SCHOOL
was tokin to ym jus now. told her how bored i am in SP. and instead of consolin me. SHE add make me feel worse. haha. Keep on tellin me how good TP is how fun TP is. GOSH~! how i wish my o lvl sci get a b3. and now i wont be sufferin. i get a b3. i will be studyin BIT in tp! den! FUN FUN FUN! haha. i took combine science n i got a c6! it's like WTF right. haha. somemore i got tution for science! wow. my tutor sms me and ask me abt my result and i dun even dare to reply her. It's like all her student get at least b3 and i get wad?! C6?! haha. nvm. FORGET abt it. and YA. my class all the peeps are ANG MO PAI. omg. i hate it. i gt problem presentin my true self infront of others in ENGLISH. so my frens. SPEAK chinese wif me! and i can crap wif u till u shuang. ha. Well. i know u all can sae there is still chongwee in my class. at least i gt someone to pei me. BUT. NO! i seriously think tt he HATE me. cos i keep criticise him. i keep ji siao him. HA. and he dun understand dat i m jus jokin and tot it's real. It's quite frustrating being wif him during serious time. he will tok to me in a serious tone and tell me bullshit. and he keep 'zhen de zhen de wo mei you pian ni' ARGH!!!! u guys wont udst it. i know he is a nice person. i am a bad person therefore we cant clique.
RAINIE DAYS!
hahaha. i m so into YANG CHENG LING nowadaes. lol. i was watchin i guess tt dae. n she clips up her hair. and it's like OMG! haha. i m obsessed wif girls tt clip their hair up! wahahha! after tt i went dwl loads of wallpaper of her n dwl lots of eposide of i guess. hahah. n yes! er mo zai sheng bian. She act in tt show! GOSH!! lol. i still like kelly la. hhaa. but. since it is rainin nowadaes i shall go more into RAINIE. hahaha. dammn lame la.
ELITEZ
last sat. went pasir ris to haf soccer match. so sway. jus when we get off the bus. it started rainin. ha. so mani of them were there. roy kw derek cw yc shang boyang masam weeta rong nizar john. almost full team liao. it's super fun despite the muddy field. the field was like milo man! haha. final score 5-5. but we win them on penalties. al elitez player score beside masam. haha. FUN. went to the park toilet to wash up after tt. and the whole toilet was in a mess. on the bus it's like so close la. all of us. crappin. laughin. TEAM SPIRIT! yes!
GAY
n ya. i jus realise there are so mani gays in SINGAPORE. lol. colin and kero! they are two male in luv wif each other. n fey have a blog. and they will sae sweet stuff in the blog. OMFG. haha. i shall link them. ppl that are interested u can go and see. they upload their pics too. it all the bottom of the page. hah. take a look. see if anyone of them look like ur fren. haha!
ERM
jus watched one of the eposide of i guess tt i've dwl. tt eps is AH YA last eps. SHE's leaving i guess. Tt's sad la. the whole eps jacky wu is like so fuckin low la. n can see he is dammn sad. ha. he sang the song 永保安康 to her. it's so touching la. super sad. wanted to make t my blog song. but i cant find a fast loading link.
hai.
sudd miss sec days again. so many fun things man. At least in class i got youmin , huishi. waiyee in class to tok abt show tok abt gossip. i gt shaik saybing vicho to fool around wif me to crap wif me. Den i gt so mani after sch activities wif my brathers.i got glorious ppl to haf fun wif. i got elitez to play soccer wif to crap wif. i got pamela samantha they all during band. hai. 我好挂念那些昨天. so mani mani flashback now. fr sec one camp to prom night. all the daes we haf. the happy times. hai. I MISS ALL OF THEM.

♥ i didnt know how hard i could cry 6:06 AM

Tuesday, May 02, 2006

YEAH. todae ish shaik's bdae eve. haha. went out wif him n co. celebrate. yah. went marina square cafel cartel. eat n crap wif each other. ordered a setmeal for 5 n onli 3 of us are eating. super lot la. in the end nvr finish it haha. remind us of nchs life again. ha. wtf. den gave him a surprise take the cake out. haha. HE is so touched la. HAHA. haf fun there.
life?
when someone has a sestback or back. he tells himself it's alright. this shall be the new begining. Totally CRAP. BULLSHIT. it's jus lyin to himself. tryin to sae this to an wei himself. make himself feel better. mayb tt's life .hai. hai hai. while some other ppl. they dun even dare to try. scared of dis scared of dat. afraid of setback. n yet try to act tough infront of ppl. u may ask WAD FOR? hai. i dunno too. mayb tt's life again.
有一种
爱它曾经住在我心里
陪伴我熬过多少个无声哭泣
不懂爱情我的心如此无力
bought kelly gai ban cd jus now. hai. $20.95. quite ex la. some more not more changes in the cd. the lyrics book also nvr change. like kena cheated liddat. but nvm. the added song is nice December 下雪的冬天. getting emotional. hai. thinkin abt alot of things.breakin dwn soon. hai. my life. WOW! mayb i should rrly stop cursing so much. n hope dat things will get better for me.

冰冷的雪冻结所有情节
我不愿爱在回忆里搁浅
对或不对 爱开始也是凭感觉
有幸福就难免伤悲

December 下着雪的冬天
看窗外白茫茫的一片
Remember 我们许下的愿
雪默默无言将它冰结成点
忽然间又想起那一场离别

冰冷的雪冻结所有情节
我不愿爱在回忆里搁浅
我面对也试着去了解
我也只能接受这一切
你我的一切都已是个今天
何必再期待有另一个往前
心却痛着 体验了每一个关键
忘记总是要一点时间

Remember 我们许下的愿
雪默默无言将它冰结成点
忽然间又想起那一场离别

冰冷的雪冻结所有情节
我不愿爱在回忆里搁浅
我面对也试着去了解
我也只能接受这一切
你我的一切都已是个今天
何必再期待有另一个往前
心却痛着 体验了每一个关键
忘记总是要一点时间

离别并非都是幸福的终点
或许他才是 他是幸福的遇见

冰冷的雪冻结所有情节
我不愿爱在回忆里搁浅
我面对也试着去了解
我也只能接受这一切
你我的一切都已是个今天
何必再期待有另一个往前
心却痛着 体验了每一个关键
忘记总是要一点时间

一定会有那么一天

♥ i didnt know how hard i could cry 12:06 AM

Monday, May 01, 2006

was listening to simple plan untitled. n now i m stuck wif this song. i used to listen this song when i m sad in the past. ha. jus keep repeating repeating n repeating. hai. suddenly the weird empty feelin is back. this song remind me of my happy time wif my brather my classmate my team mate. SADDENING la. NCHS life is nt tt lousy la. 1 glorious 2 glorious 3 gregarious 4 gregarious rocks la. hai. so mani mani things tt happen. good n bad. n now. hai. still rmb sec1 tt time. i m thinkin wow. 4 yrs of sec sch life. so long. n now. TADA. i m in poly already. how i wish it could be longer. or we restart it again. back to the sec1 camp. GUAN HUAI FANG SHI. lol. HA.
hai hai hai. so mani things stuck in my mind now. feelin so @#$#@%^ inside. n yet i cant explain y i m feelin dat. fuck. yes, i haf derek masam by cw wif me at sp. but. jus find it hard to tell them things at time. sb is at TP. fuck. i find it easier to share things wif him. i dunno y. mayb becos i know him for 11 yrs liao. n the tu dou also so far. hahaha. hai. LIFE. findin it more n more fuck up.hai. my temper getting more n more worst. ( never been good before ) hai. shall end her. enjoy this song. it's really nice. the lyrics is so .. hai

UNTITLED

I open my eyes
I try to see but I'm blinded by the white light
I can't remember how 
I can't remember why 
I'm lying here tonight 

And I can't stand the pain 
And I can't make it go away 
No I can't stand the pain 

How could this happen to me?
I've made my mistakes
I've got no where to run
The night goes on
As I'm fading away
I'm sick of this life 
I just wanna scream 
How could this happen to me?

Everybody's screaming
I try to make a sound but no one hears me
I'm slipping off the edge
I'm hanging by a thread
I wanna start this over again 

So I try to hold on
On to a time when nothing mattered
And I can't explain what happened
And I can't erase the things that I've done 
No I can't

How could this happen to me?
I've made my mistakes
I've got no where to run
The night goes on
As I'm fading away 
I'm sick of this life 
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me?

I've made my mistakes
I've got no where to run
The night goes on 
As I'm fading away 
I'm sick of this life 
I just wanna scream 
How could this happen to me? 

♥ i didnt know how hard i could cry 2:11 AM