i'm beautifully broken-;

Sunday, May 28, 2006

i seriously thinks tt i am dying. fever on and off for days. nauseous. sore eyes. blah~ i am feelin so moody, sad, fuckup, angry todae. DEPRESSION! k enuff of all dis crap.
Blogging
suddenly i find bloggin for me is gettin faker n faker. my motive to haf a blog is to vent my anger. express my feelin tt i hide deep inside. but. now. i m jus writing for the sake of letting ppl see. and when i m feelin fuckup sad or wad i dare not to sae it out anymore. i dun dare this. i dun dare tt. mani mani dun dare. in short. I M HUMJI. ya. so why the hell i m still bloggin? simple. i wan to attract attention. i admit. I AM AN ATTENTION SEEKER. I WAN ATTENTION. I AM AFRAID TO BE LONELY. ya. why the hell i go gaga over rainie or kelly. cos. at least when i m alone. i gt smth to do. smth to keep my fuckin mind and my fuckin heart occupied. ya. dats the reason. why am i so fuckin lame. cos. i wan to entertain myself. make my mood better. if u find one night i m tokin rubbish tokin tons of lousy lame stuff to u. u can imagine how bad my mood is. ya. why the hell i act to be happi. cos i m a sucker. i dun wan to show it out. i dun like to show it out anymore. no point putting how sad sad sad i am as my msn nick. wad for? ya. attract attention to wish tt SOMEONE of u will come care abt u. right? this is really how i feel. i m jus being frank. i m not tryin to xialan anyone or wad. ya. mayb i m wrong. mayb u r brave to admit u r sad. well. if tts they way. i respect u. seriously.
MASK
sometimes. i find wearing a mask makes ur life better. u wont haf to face the outcome directly. therefore making u able to stand up again. easier? ya. giving out 100% means if u fail. u get 100% back into ur face. big impact. ya. in life it doesnt means tt by giving out 100% will gt wad u wan to get. ya. i know. u all will sae. at least u try us best. blah blah. but. seriously THINK. u had tried ur best and u didnt achieve it. how useless u r. ya.

this is how i feel and how i think now. if u disagree wif me. dun like wad i sae. i m sry den. dun argue wif me. it's useless. ya.thanks.

假装多好　依然是
依然是　暧昧的tone调
一个人无理取闹
两人世界的煎熬
我被自己困在自己设下的圈套

小丑鱼好可怜.
找不到　那些美好..
假装多好.

â¥ i didnt know how hard i could cry 2:48 AM